It’s 10am and I am sitting in the far stall of the men’s room at work. I’m taking care of a little bit of business when the door of the bathroom flies open. I can’t see who just entered, but then again, I didn’t need to. What I heard from that moment on needs to be addressed in a public forum. He (it was a men’s room) flipped open his cell phone and made a call while walking to a stall. I could hear someone answer and a conversation commenced. To my delight, he entered the stall next to me. While talking, he turned, dropped trough, and sat for his morning constitutional. At that point I literally jumped at the volley of explosions that erupted from him. The cacophony can only be described as the unharmonious union of a bassoon and a tuba dying off into a melee of what sounded like handful after handful of gravel hitting water. Maybe the double guacamole six dollar burger with chili cheese fries from Carl’s Jr. wasn’t the best choice for lunch, but why do I and the phone call recipient have to pay for it. This man was tearing ass! All of this was outrageous in itself, but still this isn’t what put me over the edge. One may enter the bathroom unaware of how venting the billows may sound; it perplexes me continually but seems to correlate to the number of people present, as a side note. What one does have control over is the grunting and verbal utterances preceding the carpet bombing. This freak literally ended words with guttural thrusts. Still the conversation continued. I finished my work quickly and flushed about five times hoping that the person on the other end of the line would simply hang up in disgust. A quick wash and I was out of there…and the man was still talking.
Admittedly this was the worst case I have ever witnessed, but this trend is not uncommon and seems to be getting worse. I hear at least three people a week talking on cell phones in the public restrooms and imagine the numbers greatly increase at home. Stop it. For the love of all things holy, STOP IT!
7 comments:
Umm you go number two at work? Sicko I thought only women practiced this disgusting habit.
1 in 4 people have genital herpes. So if you work for a company that has, oh let's say 8,000 people, that means 2,000 people at your work have it. Say 20 bathrooms, that means 100 herpes sufferers use the same bathroom you do, divided by 6 stalls, that's 16 per day dip'n their diseased wiener in the same toilet you just stuck yours into. How sure are you that little thin paper thingy is going to protect you? Think about it.
Aaa yes the old Simplex 42. I save my privates for home use only, well other than camping by an old bush.
I think my last post established that I eat approx. 10,000 cal. a day. A small intestine is only 23feet long and the large is only 5 feet long. I fill 28 feet of intestine by approx. 10am. There is no waiting on this train. Work, home, park, or pants...it's happening.
And genital herpes be damned? Brave dude, brave.
Plus you are sitting down to pee...that's roughly 14 "seatings" per day.
I see the problem now! Start burning 9000 of the 10 your're eating, getting to the stall maybe every 3 days. :) Hit the bench baby.
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