Wii Fit?

The outrage over the Wii fit is awesome. I love how everyone is so concerned about the computer machine telling their pudgy little ones that they are overweight. We have heard for years that you have to be so careful about giving teens and tweens a poor body image. You should never mention that they might need to stop at that third bag of Doritos, if for no other reason than their little cheese crusted digits can’t even open it. Greasy equals slippery.

We have established that I am a hog, but in the early days, back in the 7^th grade, I had no idea. My mommmmy always told me I was skinny even when my waist size exceeded my inseam length by double digits. I was a round mound of rebound and it took a devastating conversation with my brother to turn things around. It worked, through high school anyhow. He basically walked in on his lunch break from work and saw me sitting on the couch double fisting a bag of Cool Ranch for breakfast. Yes breakfast. It was noon, but I just gotten out of bed what with it being summer vacation and all. He called me the fattest little piece of crap he had ever seen and if I didn’t get my lazy ass off the couch, I would never have a date, let alone a girlfriend. Ok, it was brutal and I still cry myself to sleep some nights thinking about it, but it worked. I started running, started lifting, started watching my intake, and high school was a much better place for it.

The obesity rate in kids is epidemic. It makes the anorexia problem almost statistically irrelevant. Childhood Type 2 Diabetes is growing faster than Rosie’s…well, you know. Nintendo just used a BMI calculation for its game. The USA came up with this method to quickly rate your weight. So why are we the ones whining? Everyone knows that the calculation doesn’t work in all cases, but it is a place to start.

I don’t want everyone to have a bad self image, but people need to be realistic and help their kids eat right and get a little exercise. Boycotting the one and only game that might actually get your kid out of his seat and moving might not be the best plan of action. You may save their feelings, but they will likely die of heart disease….fair trade?

For those of you that prefer to drop your Wii in the trash and pursue a workout video for the kiddies, I added one. Low impact and the kids will feel great about themselves.

Just the Tip

I was once one of you people. You are the non-tippers, the ones that know not the math, etiquette, or rules when tipping. A friend of mine schooled me a few years ago after watching me embarrass myself and insult waiter after waiter. He reminisced about the many benefits of waiting on the public at a popular steak house while going to school. I don’t know if the sarcasm bled through in that list line, but besides “Cop a Feel Friday” there is nothing redeeming about slinging steaks and “poppin” taters. Add the fact that the restaurant can pay you less than the pittance that is minimum wage and you are basically a wrist waiting to be opened.

Basic tipping: I thought the rule was 10% minimum and 15% if you were pleased. Please, it’s 2008. 15% minimum, 20%+ if you were pleased..and if she is attractive and attentive and she’s wearing.…I digress…open wallet, invert, shake, and then get the hell out. She has another group waiting on that table you have been hogging for the last hour while chit-chatting and getting your fifth refill, you coffee lush.

Advanced tipping: Now is where it gets tricky. Suppose you brought in that 90% off coupon you tore out of the Super Saver last Sunday. You burp up a little ranch dressing as the waitress smiles and drops off the bill for that single meal you shared with your wife and three kids. Sweet, they had free bread to start and the little ones fill up quickly. You hand her a wadded-up coupon and ask if you can use it for the meal. She takes it and walks away burning your face into memory. You’re getting a little something extra in your loaded baker next time. So, what do you do? The total, after discount is $3.59..cause you had water. I’ll tell you. You pay the tip on the cost of the meal PRIOR to the discount!

Group tipping: If you have the unmitigated gall to ask her to split the bill after she has already rung up the order, every one of you bastards better round up your tips individually. That means no change, if 20% of your portion is $1.47..you’re dropping a two-bill…each!

I eat out every day for lunch and continually watch my fellow engineers, managers, and even millionaires shaft the help. I end up doubling my tip to compensate and it needs to stop. It seems that income is inversely proportional to tipping, in my experience. If you can get through senior level physics, you can do a little math. If you can’t, that cell phone strapped to your utility belt probably has a tip calculator too. If you didn’t know before, you know now. So drop another buck you cheap bastard….Karma alone is worth that.