You think when you get through with those grueling high school days, that the locker room scene is over. I assert that it is not. Every time I sidle up to a urinal in a public rest room, I’m right back in 7th grade; taking a shower with the fellas and giving the pubes a quick inspect to see if magically a fourth one happened to show up over night. Now, pubes a plenty, and I still can’t pee with a man dangling next to me. Compound this with the fact that I drink about 8 gallons of water a day and frequent the bathroom more than a thirteen year old who just discovered Mr. Tickle, and you have a little problem.
No, I don’t have a prostate problem…I, um… check myself regularly. This is strictly a mental thing. If I am feeling defeated or low, I couldn’t start my stream if I heard someone three blocks away. If I just pushed 300lbs on the bench the night before and I am feeling “cocky”, I can blast away with the best of them. Then, no matter how I am feeling, there are certain people that create an instant stop block and I really don’t know why. ..and if there is no divider between urinals, I won’t even try. How can my Keigel muscle be inexorably tied to my emotions? Scientifically speaking, it’s ludicrous. Nevertheless, it is true.
So I practice, psych myself up, count by nines in my head (you know the same things I do for sex) but sometimes, with some people, it just won’t flow. But here is where I keep the power. If you find yourself cozying up to me in the adjacent urinal and you have the same issue as I, we have a problem. I know that cacophony of silence that roars in your ears minute after minute as you try to wait me out hoping I’ll leave so you can “get going”. Sorry guy, you have a stalemate my friend. I may not be able to pee with you standing there, but I am willing to wait you out for hours, so just zip it up and be on your way..you have no idea who you are dealing with.
4 comments:
How long will you realistically stand there if you were faced with an adversary that was willing to wait it out...??
I don't have an exact time, but at a Van Halen concert I once waited out a guy through Jump, Panama, Top Jimmy, and Poundcake. That has to be like 15 min. My legs started to cramp, but I held fast. He was a lightweight.
It's all in you're head for sure, you just got to get into a place that you need to piss; with or without people. Try to not care. A man I knew well, and some may know as "the gutter" could piss in a cup while you held his unit, and never lose a smile or a knife stroke while he gutted an elk.
Try picturing the people around you naked, maybe that will help. Hmmm Well thats what people say helps anyway, not sure if it applies here?
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